Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
