the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
