Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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