Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
