sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
