come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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