my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't turn off my feet"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
