Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
