my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
