is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
