Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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