I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
