I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
