Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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