just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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