I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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