i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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