it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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