He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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