I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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