So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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