yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
