There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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