Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
