stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
