does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
