They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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