Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
