He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
