Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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