How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
