She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
