worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
