I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
