he wants to bone in the snuggie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
