If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize