Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
