Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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