i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
