I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I want to be your penis for a week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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