worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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