Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
