Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
