I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
