I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
