turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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