So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
