he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
