so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
