I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
