Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
